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Thanks for stopping by Plato's Ladder! You've probably seen bite-size insights and food-for-thought posted on social media. Below is my recommended resources list for anyone wishing to get a deeper understanding of intimacy and connection:
Mating in Captivity
In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel argues that those with enduring sex lives are able to blend two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. She discusses when we are most drawn to our partners and why, our turn-ons and offs, balancing love and desire, reconciling domesticity and sensuality, and how to give and receive pleasure in long-term relationships.
John Gottman - How to Build Trust
In this video, marriage expert John Gottman explains that couples build trust in small "sliding door moments." He suggests that when we are emotionally attuned to our partner it is easier to recognize these moments and move towards our partner.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John Gottman and his wife Julie studied more than 3,000 couples over a period of 40 years  in order to understand the habits that can make or break a marriage. Seven Principles is the summary guide for couples who seek a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Learn how to prevent conflicts before they start.
Rethinking Infidelity
Rethinking Infidelity is the first book of its kind; it’s a very thoughtful look into Esther Perel’s conversations and therapy sessions with couples from around the world as well as insights from lovers-on-the-side. I think everyone has been impacted by an affair in some way and think you may be surprised when reading what comes up for you or what behaviors or suffering you might recognize in someone that you know.
Esther Perel - The Secret to Desire in a Long-term Relationship
In this video, Esther Perel discusses some of the main concepts from her book, Mating in Captivity.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
In my opinion, when it comes to emotional and intimacy issues, it's important to look at how the patterns that exist came to exist in the first place. Many of us have emotionally immature parents and either internalize or externalize unhelpful beliefs or behaviors because of it. Lindsay Gibson offers sound and practical advice around these matters. Something I really like about this book is that it's all about cultivating understanding and compassion, not blame, as in connecting dots to move forward rather than stay stuck or limited. I can see it helping all relationships, whether it's with our own parents, being parents ourselves, being better partners, even with work colleagues and friends.
I would recommend reading this book along with The Drama of the Gifted Child.
I would recommend reading this book along with The Drama of the Gifted Child.
Being a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
In this video, Marie Forleo and psychotherapist Terri Cole discuss high-functioning codependency and how to set boundaries.
The Drama of the Gifted Child
If you are feeling blocked or stagnant, if you're choosing the wrong partners or are sabotaging any aspect of your life, The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller is a must-read. By gifted, the author is describing a child's ability to create survival strategies rather than any particular gift or talent. The aim of this book is to identify childhood survival strategies that are no longer working and help the reader adopt more beneficial approaches.Â
I would recommend reading this book along with Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
I would recommend reading this book along with Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
Attached
Do you get anxious under stress or avoidant under stress or are your securely attached? Can an avoidant and an anxious person be in a relationship together? Discover your attachment style and approach to connection in this book written by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
The Sex-Starved Marriage
This book by Michele Weiner-Davis addresses the tension that can exist in relationships where couples have different sex drives. Partners that have a higher libido will find empathy and advice while partners with a lower libido will find greater understanding around what factors might be impacting their sex drive.
Michele Weiner-Davis - The Sex-Starved Marriage
In this video, Michele Weiner-Davis discusses the phenomenon of "dead bedrooms" and possible solutions.
Sexual Healing
The expanded edition of this book by therapist Barbara Keesling discusses common sexual issues as well as known treatments. There are specific exercises included for people dealing with issues such as premature ejaculation, low libido, sexual aversion, plus a section on physical, emotional, and spiritual healing.
The 5 Love Languages
There are 5 love languages and most people tend to have a primary language: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Author Gary Chapman suggests each love language is important and more importantly, learning your partner's and your own primary love language will help create a stronger connection in your relationship.
Your Brain on Porn
Hands down, Your Brain on Porn is the most informative book available regarding education and information around online porn overuse. Gary Wilson is a former physiology teacher who takes a science-based approach to the topic. I personally know several men who this book has helped. All new research, stories, and talks are posted on his site: yourbrainonporn.com
Gary Wilson - The Great Porn Experiment
In this video, Gary Wilson, author of Your Brain on Porn, delves into how porn can impact the body, brain, and arousal.
The Erotic Mind
"Why do individual preferences and patterns of arousal vary so dramatically? Why are most of us attached to specific turn-ons? And what do our turn-ons reveal about who we are and what we're searching for? These and other unanswered questions lie at the heart of this book," says author Jack Morin. Even if you already have a solid understanding of your desires, The Erotic Mind is bound to ask you questions and offer insights no one else has.
The Myth of Male Power
The Myth of Male Power was written over 30 years ago and has many ideas in it that still hold true. Warren Farrell challenges the notion of male privilege and suggests that each sex has a different set of pros and cons. He points out these truths in order to help men and women cultivate more empathy for one another.
The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
One of the most comprehensive books about how our bodies work and how sex works, The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex covers all of the basics. If you or someone you know is new to sex or if you've wondered "what is going on down there?" this book might be a good place to start.
Erotic Touch Massage Video Tutorials
The New School of Erotic Touch offers detailed video classes on sensual massage and how to use your hands during foreplay and sex to enhance pleasure and intimacy. Some of the film sets are a little outdated and the music is cheesy but the content itself is useful, especially for those with little understanding of anatomy or touch.
Please note this page contains affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase through one of these links, I will make a small commission. There is no additional cost to you and your purchase supports this site. You can also support Plato's Ladder by making a donation through PayPal.
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