Socially Acceptable Sexual Fantasies Are Emotionally and Biologically Motivated

In Western society, sexual fantasies that are more emotionally and biologically driven are more socially acceptable than sexual fantasies that lack one or the other and especially both of those things. Why? Because sexual fantasies that lack an emotional or biological element threaten public order and sometimes violate another person's rights. The less a sexual act contributes to society (i.e. the less it has to do with reproduction) the less publicly valued it is.

In this post, I would like to suggest that sexual fantasies by themselves - even the socially unacceptable ones - don't make someone a bad person.

The reason why I think this is worth exploring is because so many people have sexual fantasies, which would be inappropriate to act on and even cause distress to think about, but still have personal value in helping us understand our own emotional, biological, and even spiritual needs.

This study of 822 people in monogamous relationships, for example, reveals that only a minority of people do not have sexual fantasies that would violate the monogamous nature of their relationship. Does this mean that all of these people wish to cheat on their partners? I don't think so.

Often times, fantasies are described as situations that a person desires but does not currently have access to. I don’t think this is always correct. I think fantasies can be ongoing, evolving, or something that a person simply enjoys. I don't think that having a fantasy means that a person wishes to act on that fantasy but I do think that exploring why a person has a fantasy can reveal something about their unspoken needs and desires that could be fulfilled in a nonsexual manner or again, simply enjoyed in the mind.

Below is a graph that shows common sexual fantasies, and how emotionally or biologically fulfilling an individual fantasy may be. It is somewhat subjective – depending on the situation and your own opinion, you might place the same fantasies somewhere else. But, in using this general template as an example, we can see how seemingly unrelated fantasies align, clash, or align and clash.

Quadrant I contains the most socially acceptable fantasies while Quadrant III contains the least socially acceptable fantasies. I'd say that Quadrant II takes second place for socially acceptable while Quadrant IV takes third place.

How could creating your own graph be useful? I would say that knowing what exactly about a particular fantasy appeals to your emotional or biological needs can tell you how you like to be seen by yourself and others, how much you trust yourself and others, your desire or lack of desire for power, explain your sense of self-worth - and many other things - regardless of how socially acceptable or not what you fantasize about is. Maybe there are parallels between certain aspects of your fantasies and how you live your life day-to-day?

– Nikita

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